Prayerful Consideration for Those We’ve Harmed

In another wonderful post by markw Purposeful Forgetting on his blog at www.adozensteps.com:

“I’m here to tell you that if you’re about to consider your amends, your list of people you’ve harmed” …”casual apologies will NOT cut it! Nor should they… because we have done harm, real harm.”

I used to drink with my next door neighbor.  Often times I’d walk into the front yard and he’d invite me over for a beer on the porch.  One beer led to the next and we’d be off to buy more.  Sometimes we had to stop at one of our favorite beer joints along the way.  This was a pretty normal routine about every other day.  One thing that had slipped my mind for years was how I’d almost constantly leave the front door standing wide open when I went next door.  Often times leaving the house empty but more often than not, with my family inside sleeping.  I never once considered the horror they must have been going through when they awoke in the night, me gone and the front door standing wide open.

Faith without works is dead

Let’s look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.

8th step list

After having made a drastic self-appraisal (the 4th and 5th steps) we have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.

In this portion of working through the steps, we are attempting to restore relations with the people we have come across and who have been unfortunate to come across us.  As the step reads on the wall it’s got two parts:

1. Making a list.
2. Becoming willing to make amends to everyone on the list.

What it was like near the end of my drinking

I didn’t know for sure what my problems were but I wished for the end.  I looked for a jumping off place.  I no longer looked into the night sky and wondered what my purpose was.  Life didn’t mean anything and my life was certainly going nowhere good.  All my so-called friends didn’t want me around any more.  At one point, in a black-out, I’d gone to my best friends house at 1:30 in the morning and pounded on his door till he opened it.  He and his wife and young daughter had been sleeping soundly till my insistant pounding woke them all up.

What it was like…Continued

In fourth grade, my parents officially started the divorce proceedings and it was painfully obvious to me that all my classmates would know I was from a defective home and would be made fun of because my parents could work out their problems.  I came to realize much later in life that I somehow labeled my own self-worth by how I thought other people were judging me.  My parents fought for years because my of my fathers drinking.  They would often start an argument and dad would leave for a loaf of bread and might be gone for 30 minutes or 30 days. 

What it was like…

I used to be the only one I knew awake at 3:00 in the morning… I’d be incredibly bored, looking for something FUN to do.  The liquor stores were way closed and I was usually out of money.  All the friends I’d started the evening with we’re all passed out or had gone their seperate ways – Usually with their dates.  I would stare at the stars in the sky and wonder why on earth was I put here.

New Blog

I’m biting the bullet and taking on another website project.  I dumped the last one because it was nothing to do with recovery and was not productive at all. 

I will dump this one too if it turns out to be a big flop.  I’m just looking for ways to be more effective.

Daily Trudge

During the past 2 years, my life has been blessed beyond belief. Even though I’ve been sober for quite a few years, I’ve just recently been rocketed into a life so much more wonderful that I would have ever been able to imagine… Yes folks, it just keeps getting better.

No Affiliation

This blog has absolutely no affiliation with Alcoholics Anonymous, AAWS, Inc. The General Service Conference, The General Service Board or any group or area or district…

This is for the purpose of stimulating ideas, education and conversation and the expression of experience as members of Alcoholics Anonymous who desire to learn more about all three legacies of the program – Recovery – Unity – Service.