What it was like near the end of my drinking

I didn’t know for sure what my problems were but I wished for the end.  I looked for a jumping off place.  I no longer looked into the night sky and wondered what my purpose was.  Life didn’t mean anything and my life was certainly going nowhere good.  All my so-called friends didn’t want me around any more.  At one point, in a black-out, I’d gone to my best friends house at 1:30 in the morning and pounded on his door till he opened it.  He and his wife and young daughter had been sleeping soundly till my insistant pounding woke them all up.

What it was like…Continued

In fourth grade, my parents officially started the divorce proceedings and it was painfully obvious to me that all my classmates would know I was from a defective home and would be made fun of because my parents could work out their problems.  I came to realize much later in life that I somehow labeled my own self-worth by how I thought other people were judging me.  My parents fought for years because my of my fathers drinking.  They would often start an argument and dad would leave for a loaf of bread and might be gone for 30 minutes or 30 days. 

What it was like…

I used to be the only one I knew awake at 3:00 in the morning… I’d be incredibly bored, looking for something FUN to do.  The liquor stores were way closed and I was usually out of money.  All the friends I’d started the evening with we’re all passed out or had gone their seperate ways – Usually with their dates.  I would stare at the stars in the sky and wonder why on earth was I put here.